Repent
by AmeliaBlake
Summary: Its been four years since the gang defeated Naraku, Kagome has been there for only a year so far. Sango has lived in such blissful peace with her new life as a mother and wife...but then a certain mercinary returns and turns her world upside down...some things just refuse to die! there is also a lot of Mir/San in this of course, read and please let me know what you think
1. You're dead

**Repent**

**Chapter one**

**You're dead**

Sango's POV

"Mama" Yuki, my little four year old girl tugged at the hem of my kimono, her twin…my sweet Yuka hid behind my legs. "What is that?" she asked pointing at shrivelled form before us. I held my one year old son, Mizu close to me. _It can't be…those eyes…their staring right at me…it's like he can see into my soul_! It was meant to be a pleasant walk in the forest, we were searching for birds…instead we found _this_!

He was like one of the living dead fresh from its grave, his skin grey and shrivelled…_you're dead! This cannot be real_! His eyes…they pleaded with me, they begged for me in a way that only one person had before, my brother. This was the man…who so fearless in the time we all knew him, so strong and steadfast that he seemed almost invincible. He never pleaded in his life…and yet here I stood…his twinkling blue eyes screaming for me. I would not have recognised him…if not for the mark on the centre of his forehead, a four pointed star. His grotesque lips began to move…like he was trying to speak but couldn't, it seemed to cause him too much pain. _Why is my heart reacting like this? Why is it so full of pity? Why do I feel like I need to help him_? Then I realised…I saw the same need in him as I did in Kohaku, well over four years ago.

There is darkness in all of us…that much I know, I have seen it…we humans are so easily manipulated, I was…once. I was so sure that it was Inuyasha who killed my people…so certain that I almost killed him. I was manipulated by evil….the same evil that controlled my brother, he was a child…whose was soul tarnished by sin. But he was not evil…he was always my good little brother deep down…he just needed someone to be patient…to believe that with all there soul. Still to this day…exactly four years after Naraku's death…he still needed me to assure him of his goodness.

As I looked into those eyes, I no longer saw the bloodlust desires of a psychopathic killer, I saw a weak, helpless being…so lost and afraid…the same way Kohaku was on the day we were shot down with arrows after he killed out father and comrades.

I was lost in memories and confusion when I was brought back to earth why the soft murmur of my Yuka "Mama" she uttered, "Mama…I'm scared…I want daddy".

I rested my hand on top of her head, I had to get them out of here….I couldn't let them see this…but I felt cruel leaving him there. Still the wellbeing of my children came first…it was wrong of me to stand there so long as it was. "Okay girls…we're going to see Kagome now" I told them, they nodded as we turned the other way they kept looking back "girls don't look" I instructed.

_What am I to do? Should I help him? No….I shouldn't…but I will…but I will, Bankotsu, don't make me__ regret this_.

* * *

We found my friend Kagome in the herb fields , she was now a priestess training under Kaede, along with young Rin. A year she had lived in the era with us…she truly did belong here, she settled in so nicely (well aside from occasionally whining about missing her hairdryer, whatever that is). She didn't notice us, so before we approached her I knelt down to my girls and set Mizu on his feet "listen, we won't tell anyone what we saw just now…okay? Let's keep this just between us…can you promise mama that?" I asked them. They smiled and nodded at me.

"Yes Mama" the twins said in unison, Mizu just seemed oblivious and was paying more attention to the butterfly that fluttered past. Feeling confident I let them race over to Kagome, who they absolutely adored. Kagome grinned and brought my three adorable children into her arms.

"So nice to see you all" she chuckled, then looked up at me "Sango, I wasn't expecting you till later, you'll still be eating with me tonight right? Just while Inuyasha and Miroku are away vanquishing another demon".

I nodded, this was the longest and furthest they've been away from us and we were missing them immensely. I always felt so vulnerable when Miroku was away, our home seemed almost empty without him…I missed his laughter filling every room, I missed him reading and singing to our children before they went to sleep…I even missed waking up in the morning to find his hand resting somewhere inappropriate. I know Kagome missed Inuyasha just as much, so every night they had been away, we took turns in cooking for each other…tonight was her turn. I nodded my head "yes…of course, sorry if we're too early, our walk ended a little early" I apologised.

My friend smiled "No need to apologise Sango, you're all welcome here at any time…come inside, I'll make some tea, I still have some of their toys from the last time they were here, that should keep'em entertained" she responded lifting Mizu into her arms, I smiled graciously and followed them all into the hut.

I looked over my shoulder towards the forest…_Bankotsu_…..

* * *

Kagome's POV

There was something wrong with Sango this evening, she seemed so distracted and she hardly sipped at her tea. I could only think of one reason why "you really miss Miroku, huh" I stated.

She peered up at me and nodded her head "Of course I do" she answered sincerely, "it's difficult to get the girls to sleep at night, it takes at least fifteen minutes longer than it should".

She did miss him…but there was something else, something she would not tell me, I didn't want to push…_maybe if beat around the bush a little_, "is that why you seem so distracted this evening? I told you I'll help out with the kids, after all…I'm here all alone when Inuyasha is away, it does get lonely. So is that it?"

She wouldn't even look me in the eye now, "It's just….do you ever think about our old enemies…other than Naraku, how they were all really just pawns in his evil plan, he used them all…he destroyed then as well as us…like…the Band of Seven…for example" she spoke.

at first I was surprised, but then my expression became more thoughtful, I held my chin between thumb and index finger "Hmm…I guess you're right, he did…I never really thought of it that way…I guess they were his victims too" I responded, "however, most of them were already villains before us, the Band of Seven are another perfect example…they were already murderous and cruel…they loved killing…I'm sorry to say that, even though what you're saying is true…they still got no more than what they deserved. The thought of those crooks…I'm glad we'll never see them again! I'm glad we're free of them"

Sango stared at me for a while, I dare say she seemed nervous, "Sango, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head, "no, no it's just I have something I need to do….would you mind watching the kids while I go see to it? I won't be long, an hour at the most" she inquired. _What is it you have to do Sango? You've never kept secrets from me before_. I did not voice these words aloud of course, I just nodded my head and she zipped out quickly, _Sango…what's going on_?

* * *

Sango's POV

How could I tell her? She was right…we were supposed to be free of them at last! I wish my heart and head would let me ignore him….forget that I ever saw him there, but I couldn't because I just kept seeing my brother's face in place of that shrivelled mess.

I found him in the place I left him, he seemed surprised that I had come back, hi pupils shrunk into nothing more than a tiny dot amongst their cobalt orbs. There was only one place I bring him, somewhere out of the way where no one could see him. By the lake, amongst the surrounding small cliffs their hid a cave, I only I knew of it. I discovered the place when Miroku and I took the children swimming there, but forgot to show it to them, I always meant to, now I'm glad I didn't. I had made the cave my own private place, if ever the children were becoming too much, or Miroku had done something to upset me, I'd come here for a while. I had already supplied blankets and food there, just in case I ever needed to spend the night. Bankotsu was so light and easy to carry, I made him a bed with the blankets and began making a stew for him…that's all I could do. When the broth was deep brown, I served it to him, offering him a spoonful, but he recoiled from it…not as though he didn't want my food, but as though he physically could not bear it.

"I-I….C-ant" he choked; my eyes went wide like a fish out of water, he spoke…_there was still a little strength in him_.

"What happened to you Bankotsu? How is it that you're still alive….well more or less so any way and what is you purpose here?" I demanded.

He shook all over, trying to speak…it was causing him too much pain, so much agony that it caused him to lose all consciousness, when his head fell to the left it clearly exposed a mark behind its ear, only noticeable to those who knew what it meant.

I gasped when I saw it…it was a word written in our Japanese font meaning "Shi" this translated to "death". My father had told me of this marking; it was the marking of Shinigami….the reaper. It is said that demons or warriors so fierce in life would be selected by Shinigami to serve him. He would grant them life, let them age as a normal human, however they would be stronger, faster and lot more resilient than the average human. As payment for all this…they would serve as his deadly assassins. Every now and then a name would appear on the palm of their hand, it was someone who'd escaped death, someone who was in his debt. My heart pulsed….was he here to collect? I grabbed his hands and checked each palm…to my relief they were both clear.

There was also another catch…in order to sustain this life…they could not consume anything…not food or water, nothing, nothing other than…._blood_.

If they did not do so, they become this…shrivelled beings, reeking of death. I could not believe my actions…it was like an outer body experience, it was like I was outside my body watching myself with pure shock. I took the knife I always kept with me….slashed the palm of my hand…scarlet liquid oozed from it. "Open your mouth" I ordered, he looked so shocked….he did not obey… "Listen to me Bankotsu" I began "I need you in better health so that I can get answers out of you! I want to know how Shinigami found you, why you accepted his answer and what it was that brought you to this village! So you drink from me and in return you answer every question I have".

I placed my palm over his mouth, as the dark fluid dropped into his mouth, he closed his eyes in ecstasy, his sallow skin began to colour and become fuller, life was pulsing into him through me. His hand laid upon mine, he was able to sit up as he suckled away at my hand….

* * *

Bankotsu's POV

_Who was she? She seemed so familiar…had I seen her before? Why is she __doing this for me_? I took in her blood, I took in her essence. This woman…where had I seen her before? Her skin…so warm, its smell was tantalising! My tongue glided along the cut on her and as I finished up, I looked at her, her gaze was averted and her eyes covered by her hair.

There was a long and intense silence drifting between us, I was still holding her hand in mine….her blood had trickled from the corner of my mouth "are you done?" she asked quietly. I licked at the blood, she offered me a cloth "use this" she ordered icily, I took it and wiped the essence of her veins from the corner of my lips, I then took notice of her wounded hand and placed the cloth she gave me upon it and wrapped it about her hands.

She frowned at me suspiciously as I tenderly placed the cloth about her hand, "how do you know my name wench…have I met you before?" I asked brusquely, I roughly tugged at the cloth and made her flinch and wince at the twinge.

"Ow!" she hissed snatching her hand back "I'm asking the questions!" she bit back adjusting her cloth around the wound as I had pulled it too tight, "you really don't recognise me? You certainly knew my brother, Kohaku".

I scrutinised her…_Kohaku? Kohaku…it sounded so familiar….Kohaku…wait! The ninja kid_! "You were his sister? You're a ninja too then huh? Explains why you're so clever, not many people know about Shinigami…its especially rare in a women…especially ones as beautiful as you" I spoke.

She glared at me angrily; _yep…beautiful even when angry…it'll be fun annoying this one_. "We're not ninjas! We're demon slayers! Well…I was…I retired four years ago to become a wife and mother" she responded.

I raised my eyebrow…_so, married with kids huh? Supressed housewife maybe? Yes….this would be fun_. "Really, a demon slayer? Never corrected me on it…wait…if I remember his sister travelled with that mutt Inuyasha!"

Her scowl deepened, "that's right…remember me now?" she growled.

I did….I saw her in battle once…I'll admit she was skilled, so she was an ally of the one who killed me! She hated me and the rest of the band of seven! _Why did she do this? Why did she help me_? "what's your game demon slayer?" I asked confrontationally, "why save me? You plan on handing me over to the mutt….you're one of the last people in the world I'd expect to give me help…so why? What made you do it?"

She seemed uneasy at this question "I-I told you…I needed answers" she stuttered, "As for handing you over to Inuyasha…I don't know…I didn't think this far ahead…I'll definitely have to tell my husband about it" she continued to babble.

I scoffed, "yeah…he'll love that" I said sarcastically, she frowned at me, "think about it!" I continued "you gave your blood to me…I was licking from the palm of your hand, tell him if you really want…but don't be shocked if he leaves you".

She tensed up and whimpered slightly "no!" she breathed "No you're wrong…Miroku wouldn't do that! He loves me…he loves our family!"

I rolled my eyes at her "Oh yeah! Tell him…I bet he does love his kids….but if you believe that he truly loves you…then do it! It's not like he's a lecher or anything who would jump at the chance to get another woman" If my memory served me right, from what Naruku's insects and spies had once told me Miroku was the monk…a lecher by nature. I watched the reaction on her face and was delighted…I was starting to get under her skin, "what's wrong demon slayer? Having doubts?" I mused.

She had stood up with her back to me "my name I Sango…Now answer my questions…how did the reaper…Shinigami find you and how long have you been in his service you've aged at least four years since I last saw you….how long were you dead before entering his services?" she demanded, her fists clenched. With incredible speed a zipped to her in a white blur and had her against the stone wall. My hands placed either side, my arms acting as barriers. She stared up at me with slight fear and a whole lot of anticipation, her breath hitched and I could hear her heart race and the blood soar through the veins. "I'll make you a deal" I started intentionally putting my face close to hers "You see I can't tell just anybody about my new master…Shinigami…I don't trust you well enough for that! I need a place to crash while I wait for my next assignment…this cave you got here should do nicely. Every day you must come here, You will let me drink from you and with every bite…I'll give you information….and you cannot tell anyone, you know if you do…I'll make you pay" I paused and leaned closer still "You've gotta a lot to lose my pretty Sango…so I'd think about this very clearly if I were you".

She glared up at me with familiar hate "I shouldn't have helped you" she whispered "you're still the same psycho who kills for pleasure".

I took her chin and made her face me "It was pleasurable to take a life…but it was mainly for the money…now it's my duty if I want to go on living".

She looked thoughtful "I see…so if you refuse to serve him anymore…he'll send you back to the underworld?"

I nodded my head "Yes….now that's the information you've earned today…come back tomorrow if you want more".

She stood and walked towards the exit, I called to her before she left "remember, you can tell no one I'm here…oh and do you think you can drink some Sake before I drink from you…it would give me pleasure to get drunk off your blood".

I saw her shiver with disgust before leaving….when she was gone I chuckled and laid back comfortably_, this will be fun…a place to rest and a beautiful woman to drink from…_

* * *

Sango's POV

I was running back to Kagome's home, I wanted my children! I wanted to hold them all close to me! I am the worst mother in the world…I've practically unleashed as monster! _Miroku…come home soon, please_! I reached outside breathlessly, she must have heard me approach because she came outside with my son sleeping in her arms. "Sango?" she alarmed "Sango what's happened?" she demanded.

I didn't answer, I just snatched my son back and held him close to me, almost instantly I was feeling better, I gave a sigh of relief as I stroked Mizu's head, he was a year old and still so tiny. "Where are my girls?" I asked quietly.

Kagome was speechless all she could do was point inside the house, it was there I found them sleeping, I knelt to them kissed their little heads. _Mama won't let anything happen to you…I'm going to fix this mess I caused, I promise…I'll die before I let anything happen to any of you_!

Kagome came from behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder "you seem shaken…why not stay here tonight? Sango? Sango how did you hurt your hand?"

_Great how will I talk myself out of this one? How will I avoid mentioning the bloodsucking psycho I have living in my cave_?

**Heya! So chapter two will come soon, if that's what people want of course. Pleeeease tell me what you think and if you actually would like another chapter.**


	2. What has love got to do with it?

**Chapter 2**

**What has love got to do with it?**

Sango's POV

I hardly slept at all that night…I stayed with Kagome so that I had no need to wake my children, they looked so peaceful and sweet. Kagome stared at me all morning…I had not given her an explanation and this had angered her.

"Sango you can trust me….I might even be able to help you" she said, _Kagome…no I cannot inflict this upon you._

"I'm sorry" I sighed, "I'm just not feeling very well…that's all"

Kagome smiled gently at me, "then go home, get some rest…leave the children with me today" she offered kindly.

"Kagome that's so nice but I couldn't ask you to do that" I responded.

However my friend was most insistent "No honestly…please…I could do with the practice".

There was purpose beneath her words and it got my attention "what do you mean by that?"

Her smile stretched and turned into a grin "I was going to wait till Inuyasha and Miroku got back…but I'll tell you now…Sango…I'm pregnant!"

My eyes turned wide…I couldn't believe it! This was such wonderful news! I grabbed and embraced her; we laughed and were overcome with such a happy emotion. Now I really couldn't tell her what I was hiding, I couldn't ruin her happiness. "Kagome" I gushed tearfully, I was so happy for her! "That's so wonderful…you'll make a brilliant mother I know it! Congratulations…really! Does Inuyasha know?"

She giggled and shook her head "Nope you're the first person I've told! So you see….I'll need the practice and I love looking after you kids, so you go home and rest…when you're ready to tell me what's really going on with you, I'll be waiting…whatever it is".

All I could do was nod and then make my way out the hut, giving one last look to my children…the lights that illuminated my most darkest days, I'd do anything to keep them safe, I'll fi this…I promise!

I had a thought that perhaps the earlier I got there the sooner I could get away…first I went home and took a few sips from the sake my husband thought I didn't know about. That is what the former mercenary had requested…and strangely, I had this deep and dark desire….to please him…I don't know why. A sudden image flashed across my mind….his eyes, so blue and intoxicating…they were like two scorching blue flames and they burned into my flesh. My heart was starting to pound…._this __has to be the sake…not me...I love my husband…this isn't me, I'm a kind and faithful wife, I believe in pure and true love_ that's what the reasonable parts of my brain told me. But then the voice of the darker side of my mind crept in…_who said anything about love? No one has made you feel this way before…you don't love him…but a part of you wants him…admit it_…I shook my head and decided I clearly had a sip too many.

* * *

I stood at the entrance of the cave….I stared into the dark, my heart was pounding…with…excitement maybe? It definitely wasn't fear pulsing through me now. As I stare deep into the darkness I was brought out of my trance by a sudden voice that laid inside the cave "I can hear you there…your heartbeat is loud, why not come and join me…pretty Sango"

His voice made me quiver…again I shook myself from these thoughts, _stop it Sango…you'll never drink sake again!_I stepped inside to see him waiting for me there, a cunning smirk across his face…I kept my expression still and unreadable.

He chuckled, "such a serious face" he patted the space next to him "come…take a seat and let's begin"

I obliged and wordlessly set down beside him, he moved my hair from my shoulder, exposing my neck, his lips hovered over the exposed flesh and I felt his warm breath that made me tingle all over, he breathed in "my…you smell good, sweet Sango…I look forward to taking you inside me…" with that he traced his lips over the tender space of my neck, I tried to control my breathing, to steady it. Another chuckle came from him, "relax beautiful" he snatched me and pinned me down, he was on top of me, his hands clasped about my wrists, and he brought his face close to mine as he continued "you'll actually enjoy this". With that he bared his sharp fangs at me…for a moment I was afraid, till the sharps tips of his incisors pierced my tender flesh! There was one very brief moment of pang…then…ecstasy…a pure and blissful frenzy that I felt pulse through every inch of my body! I let out an unintentional groan and found one hand was clasping at his clothes the other moved up till my fingers were entangled in his raven hair. My legs wrapped about his waist…I was under his control! "Yes…" I breathed inadvertently…so lost in the pleasure of it all.

He released me and stared down at me as I gazed up at me through half lidded eyes that were vacant as though under some trance. My blood painted his lips…and without my permission my hand reached up and touched them, their warmth lingered upon my neck. He smiled at me "You drank _sake_…didn't you…dare I say you really wished to please me?" he licked the blood from his mouth "you're exquisite…I knew you'd enjoy that, shall I continue?" his hands, his hot rough palm moved up my leg…this broke me from my trance. _No….Miroku_! I growled and pushed him off me, I scrambled away from him and brought my knees to my chest and tightly clasped my arms around them.

"No! Just give me the information I came for and I'll be on my way" I snapped back, I couldn't even look him in the eyes.

He laughed at me and sat with his arm casually over his knee "Very well, you have earned yourself one question….make it a good one".

I frowned, "how long after you dead before Shinigami came for you?" I asked icily covering his bite mark.

"Well…it was after Mt. Hakurei collapsed, you can never be certain of time in the underworld, every minute feels like a year…so it was as though an eternity had passed, once I was revived by Shinigami I discovered it had only been a week since my death".

I saturated this information "So that's why you've aged as I have…you really are four years older. Why did he come for you? What did he say to make you accept his offer?" I asked, I was finally able to face him.

He held up his finger and wagged it from side to side "Nuh-uh… You only get one question…you'll have to come back tomorrow, if you want more".

I scowled at him "You enjoying toying with me don't you? You think you're using me…but did it ever occur that I might be using you?"

He looked amused by this "I certainly hope so" he coaxed with a cunning and impish smile "I rather enjoy the thought of being used by you" he crept over to me and took hold of my chin, his face was close to mine "you can use me all you like pretty slayer….use me…abuse me, so long as it keeps you coming to my doorstep".

For a moment I was lost under his gaze, my heart becoming nothing more than a ball of snow melting from the fiery passion beneath his words. Then my husband's face came to mind…I saw him laughing and playing with our children and was immediately overcome with shame. I recoiled from him. "You're despicable Bankotsu" I sneered at him, he laughed in my face.

"You don't need to pretend with me…you don't have act like a good little housewife, the moment you enter this cave, it's like entering another world where only you and I exist. Ever wonder why dark and light come together so often? It's because when everything is dark and sudden light emerges we have to grab it before it fades…and things of pure light are curious about what hides in the blackness…but be careful my little light…you may delve so deep into my darkness that you may lose yourself and no one, not even your friends….will find you…because I'd have completely consumed you!"

His words were frightening to me and I scrambled to my feet "Listen to me Bankotsu…I love my husband-"

"-Did I say otherwise?" he interrupted having rushed at me with his supernatural speed and towered over me, I was completely cast in his shadow, "what has love got to do with this little arrangement?"

"Everything!" I hissed at him, "It has everything to do with it! I may lose the love of my family and friends…all because I helped you! Do you know how much I risked?"

An unfamiliar look crossed his face…it was so serious and so….thoughtful "why?" he asked in a softer tone than I had ever heard him speak "why did you risk so much? I was enemy in my last life as a mercenary…what's changed?"

His hand was gently holding my wrist he had pulled me close, I realised he was watching me, to decide if I was lying or not when I gave my answer "you…needed me" I uttered quietly, I heard his breath accidentally hitch, I continued "I refuse to believe that there isn't just one spec of good in you…monsters are not born…they're created…I want to know what made you this way! I saw a glimmer of it in your eyes the day I found you in the forest…a certain vulnerability, it drew me to you…I had this need to help you. I'm searching for that glimmer again as it disappeared when you recovered….I'll get all the answers I require even if it mean you have to drain me of every drop of blood in my body!"

The tension smothered the air; _did I really just say all that? Did I really allow those words to leave my mouth_? He released me…. "You can leave now…your children need you", Bankotsu walked back to his corner where he laid back down, I felt cold all over…

* * *

"Mama…I miss daddy" My little Yuka whined as I served her their dinner, I was lost in my own world till she spoke to me.

"I know my dear….I miss him too" I responded as I fed Mizu his food, "but he'll be back soon….I know he misses us too".

"Mama…do you love daddy?" Yuki asked with her mouth full.

A ghost of a smile touched my lips "with all my heart" I answered.

Her big brown eyes settled on the bandage about my neck "Mama did you hurt yourself?" she asked.

I nodded "yes…I wasn't careful, don't worry…did you have fun with Kagome?" I had to change the subject.

They responded eagerly, telling me how they helped her pick herbs and mix them into various medicines. I was glad they had such a lovely day, Kagome asked if she could watch them again tomorrow, just for an hour…I agreed of course, this did help me out. I felt so guilty…I hated all this sneaking around, I hated lying to the people I love most in the world. "How about a story tonight?" I offered, all three clapped happily.

"Can you tell us about the time daddy asked you to marry him?" Yuki requested, I nodded in agreement, that was always their favourite story…and mine, I preferred the way Miroku told it though.

_Miroku….I'm sorry for all that I'm doing, I know I could stop anytime and come clean…before the situation gets too out of hand, but for reasons I cannot fathom…I am drawn to the darkness…if I lose myself…please come find me._

* * *

"Not the neck this time" I told him as he took me intimately in his arms…more tenderly than I cared for, "it's difficult to hide".

He had me arched but then brought me up, I was on his lap and he brought me up, holding my wrist …his eyes momentarily locked with mine, it was like a bolt of lightning had struck. He had made himself quite at home in this cave, he even lit candles…their warm light illuminated the place and cozied the atmosphere. The candles bled it shadows and every now and then would flicker at our swift movements. He moved my sleeve up and brought my wrist to his lips, he again glided them across my skin before sinking into the soft part of my flesh. I felt the tingling sensation all over again…it wasn't as intense as when he bit my neck…but still….I had to again clasp at his clothes and bit my bottom lip so that another groan did not escape. "that's enough!" I gasped, he released me…I handed him another cloth to wipe, instead blotted at the bite mark. "You've been surprisingly gentle this time…and quiet" I commented.

He smirked at me, "you know…you taste good, wanna see just how good you taste?" he leant forward and intended to kiss me with my blood on his lips, I pushed him away.

"You're never serious! Now it's time for my question" I said icily as I snatched my arm back.

"Fine, shoot" he shrugged "ask away…what is it that's got you curious today".

I thought for a moment "so aside from having to hunt and kill the souls who escaped death…you can live as an ordinary man? You can marry and have children?"

This was the first time a question of mine, "yeah…however, my first born will bear the mark I have" he pointed behind his ear "when they come of age, they'll have no choice but to serve Shinigami as I do or face the same fate as I would" he answered.

"You mean they'll be dragged to the underworld"

He nodded.

I scoffed in disgust, "that's just cruel"

He didn't respond, he just looked away from me "So…your husband will be back any day now…I expect you've missed him a lot…"

"I'd rather not discuss my husband with you!" I retorted cold standing up and moving away from him.

He laughed and stood also, "Oh did I hit a sore spot there? I we starting to feel guilty there pretty little Sango? Why though? I'll bet he's enjoyed other women in his travels" he reached out to touch my face, I smacked his hand away and struck him across the face.

He stared at me, he saw the rage in me… "How dare you! He's a good man! You have no right to talk about him! You've never loved anyone….what would you know!"

He glared at me "feisty…I like that" he paused for a moment "Just so know I've never had the chance to love anyone…the reason I haven't settled down now is because I refuse to inflict this upon my first born, this is what I chose…I won't force my decisions upon them. Tell me…what woman would dare fall for me now knowing who I serve…her name may even appear on this hand" he showed me his left palm, "then what would I do?"

I chided "I bet you'd give her over to the underworld to save yourself! I'd bet my very life on it in fact!"

A sudden rage took him and he forced me against the wall "that's where you're wrong slayer! I'd rather die than betray someone I care for!"

I again scoffed, "Please…Like you've ever cared for anyone in your life!"

I think I too now hit a sore spot on him, with frustration he whacked his fist into the wall right beside my head then pushed himself away "sure are feeling catty today aren't you" he sniped, "could it be you're taking your guilt out on me…you can leave this any time…but you don't, why is that?"

I looked away from him, if only he knew the recent convocations I had been having with myself lately. "I won't stop until I get all the answers I want!" I shot back, for some reason he didn't look to convinced.

"Yeah…you keep telling yourself that" he spoke and then turned his back on me, "I need to train…you should run along now".

I walked away after a moment_…this all got too heated today…_he stopped me with his voice "wash yourself in the lake before you head back to the village, my smell is all over you, that mutt will pick up on that the moment he arrives".

I said nothing and proceeded to do as he had suggested.

* * *

I was almost completely dry now as I made my way back to Kagome's hut to collect my children, I felt as though I was in a haze…I don't think he knew I was aware of his presence the entire time I was bathing in the lake. _Why didn't I stop him and tell him to look away? He must have seen the scar on my back, the one Kohaku gave me._

As I approached I heard the laughter of my children…I braced myself before entering the hut, when I stepped in my heart almost stopped.

"Sango! How I've missed you!" he cheered running up to and embracing me tightly_….Miroku_! "it's so good to be home!"

I felt tears prick my eyes as I clung to him tightly, taking in his smell, "It's good to have you home…I've missed you" I whispered back sincerely, he squeezed me tightly. Over his shoulder I saw Inuyasha glaring at me…he knew something was wrong…but how much did he know?


	3. Cast in your blinding light

**Chapter 3**

**Cast in your blinding light**

Bankotsu's POV

_She hasn't come….where is she_? The sun was now starting to set; the sun bled many hues of lilac, pink and orange. I couldn't keep spill…I paced restlessly about the cave, the longer she kept me waiting, the more aggravated I became. I was starting to seethe, _where the hell she is_! _Why isn't she here? Who the hell does she think she is keeping me…._I had the slightest idea as to why I was acting like this, it's not like I cared about her or anything, She was my blood bag, a source of nourishment for me. That's its…that's all she was, my daily dose, my favourite toy to play with, now my little play thing had gone missing and it made me want to yell and throw things, I wanted to throw a full blown tantrum that would shame any three year old! My fist connected with the cave wall, it cracked beneath my knuckle, and I felt no pain, "Where is she!" I snarled through gritted teeth, for some reason it felt better saying it aloud. "She wants to play games? A little bit of hide and seek? FINE! I'll seek her out and drag her here! I don't care who sees me"…

* * *

It had been days since I stepped outside the cave, even the sunset seemed so bright to me, for a moment I had to shade my eyes till they adjusted, "where you hiding slayer!" I yelled out, "come out, come out wherever you are!" I sang as I leapt upon a branch, from there I leapt to another, then another, I hopped from branch to branch with such grace and swiftness befitting a warrior of my credibility.

A sound came, a laugh like the musical note from a harp string…it was_ her_ laugh; it was followed by the sound of little silver bells, the giggles of her children. I crouched for a moment and with flea like action (but with far more grace) I leapt across the river and silently dropped upon the tree just a little away from her home. The only thing that moved was a leaf that fell but caught no one's attention.

There she was, outside her home, she sat in the grass upon a blanket with food laid out…_so she's having a little picnic is she_? She was giggling as she fed one of her little brats a strawberry; I saw only two children, a pair of twins, they looked just like her…they had her eyes, the colour of her hair and even her smile. I could see by the way they looked at her, just how much they adored her and she loved them…more than her own life. They toddled up to her, clasping flowers in their little hands and offering them to her, their sweet, loving mother took them, laced them into a garland and placed them on their heads "You're my little princesses" Sango giggled pinching at their chubby cheeks.

They then placed a garland they had made themselves upon her head and declared her a queen "Queen mama!" they sang with delight and clapped their hands.

"Here comes the young prince Mizu" declared another voice, a man's voice; to my distaste the monk appeared carrying what looked to be a third child, a son no just over a year old. Something clawed inside me as I saw Sango gaze up at him so lovingly as he handed her their youngest child. He crouched down beside her with his arm casually about her shoulders. He had a similar look as his children when with her, complete devotion….the monk had gotten everything he ever wanted….all because she gave it to him. The married couple were gazing at each other as though nothing and no one else in the world existed; eventually his lips softly touched hers.

"Eeeew!" their twins said in unison, "mama! Kissing boys is disgusting!"

The monk smiled and patted their heads "that's right my dears, no kissing boys for you, right?"

"Right!" they both agreed, their mother laughed heartily and leaned her head upon his shoulder.

"I wish you didn't have to go away so often and for so long" she uttered sincerely while the three of their offspring played together. "It's not the same here without you".

Their eyes were closed peacefully as they relaxed in the evening breeze; the sun had still to sink. Miroku hummed in agreement, "I know…I always miss my three favourite girls, and my best boy, all I can think about when Inuyasha and I are away is how much I want to get back to you all. It's the nights that are the hardest, I long to tuck the children in and give them each three kisses on the forehead for extra special dreams…and I desire to curl up beside you, it's so cold without and I can hardly sleep. It's worse when I have one of my nightmares, the ones where the wind-tunnel returns and consumes you all, I wake in a start and immediately reach for you…but then find you're not there".

I had to hand it to him…the sleaze ball had a way with words, it brought such a blush to her pale face "M-Miroku" was all she could manage.

He held her tighter to him "It's the truth Sango…I know you worry that I'll be flirting with other woman…but why would I want them when I have you, you have given me everything I'll want, ever need and more".

She smiled brightly; he meant everything to her…._well monk what you don't know is that only yesterday your little wife there was in my arms, l__uxuriating in my touch! I filled her with more pleasure than you ever have or ever could in your entire miserable existence_. I couldn't explain the animal urge to attack him, to pull out his eyes that looked so intently upon her, to rip the lips that dared touch her clean off! I have always been possessive, once I declare something is mine, I don't like others touching it, and she was_ my _plaything.

"Miroku…sometimes you really make me recall the many reasons why I fell in love with you in the first place" she spoke, he leaned his forehead against hers, the entire scene painted the picture of the perfect family and it made me sick. Their tender moment was cut short when her husband wandered too far north down her back to her shapely rear , she rolled her eyes and grunted with annoyance "Miroku! Just because you're my husband don't think I won't slap you for being a pervert!"

The monk giggled sheepishly and raised both hands "I couldn't help myself" he defended "I'm powerless against you my dear wife" he took her hands in his.

She pulled a face at him, this got the attention of one of their little girls "mama is daddy in trouble" she asked.

Sango sighed, "No my sweet not this time, the man certainly can talk his way out of any situation".

Miroku chuckled in response and gathered her up in his arms, her children came bounding over and leapt all over their parents till the they all fell back laughing.

Did she have any intentions of visiting my today? I returned to my hole in the wall…._I can't believe I wasted tim__e lighting candles again, why did I even do that in the first place? _I shrugged at my thoughts and figured who doesn't like a candlelit dinner…because that's all she is to me, dinner…and unfortunately I had a bad habit of playing with my food.

I got back to the cave that was still illuminated by the candles, I decided to leave them alight. Let her play happy families with the monk…she'll come back, that's why I'll leave the candles be. I laid back with a smug smile…she'll be here. I gazed at my left palm…still no assignment, I was starting to get bored of all the waiting, I wish Shinigami would hurry up and send me on my way, I'll take on anyone! Then a thought suddenly hit me ….what if Sango's name appeared? What would I do then would I actually kill her? I shook myself from whatever emotion was bothering me now, of course I'd kill her…she's nothing to me! Nothing! _She better get here soon or next I'll go out again and this time I'll actually take her_!

My eyes grew heavy as sleep was upon me…_when I wake, she__'ll be here…she'll be here_….

* * *

"Bankotsu? Are you here?" echoed a voice that roused me from my sleep…she's here. I opened my eyes and sat up the light of the candles had dimmed since, I was uncertain of how late it was, but it was dark. Sango stood more timid than usual, she entered slowly and set beside me, I moved close to proceed with our usual routine, till she moved away and lightly pushed her hand against my chest.

"There is no need for that" she spoke and the produced a small glass vile of blood, I frowned deeply as I took it, unscrewed the lid and took in a sniff of the red contents, "I even mixed a little bit of sake in it for you" she added.

I screwed my face at her, "this is sheep's blood…you're really giving me blood from a sheep!" I exclaimed and threw down the vile, letting it shatter everywhere.

"Well yes" she growled back "I can't be covered in bite marks, my husband will see…furthermore it's starting to take its toll on my body, I don't see what the problem is, and it's still blood".

I growled lowly, "that's not part of the deal….if you don't let me drink from you then you've not earned an answer to your question" I narrowed my eyes at her as she turned away from me, "You're feeling guilty, because me drinking from you gives you pleasure, something you promised to share only with the monk" I took her face in my hands, her cheeks were hot from the blush and eyes wide from shock. "I won't you to stop feeling this way…I can tell you feel like the worse person in the world, I have seen the lowest of the low, the utter scum of the earth, hell, I'm one of them! But you, you Sango are a good person, a good mother and a good wife, your family are lucky to have you, so stop being such an idiot".

For a moment we sat like this, her face in my hands, till she removed them and again averted her eyes.

"Why are you here so late? Why didn't you come earlier?" I asked quietly.

"I was with my family all day, I've just snuck out…it was difficult, because he was holding me so tightly" tears began to fill her hazel eyes…they filled with shame.

"I told you to stop it" I ordered dryly, "there was a time in my life that I'd have given anything….for someone to love me as you love them, trust me…they're lucky to have you". I had never spoken so kindly to anyone in my entire adult life, from the moment I held Banryu in my hand. However, it didn't feel wrong to talk to her like this…it felt kind of nice actually, so nice that I wanted to carry on. "when someone has earned your love…they hold it forever… you love so fully and unconditionally, you're the kind of person someone would want to keep in their lives…you make them want to be better. You take away the pain of their past, you wipe them clean of all their sins, once they have your love…they truly have it, there aren't many people like you left in the world…you're special Sango" I reached out to touch her face, she struck my hand away.

"Why are you saying all this?" she breathed, emotion rising in her voice, "you don't even know me! You really are evil, you're just toying with me. You know what….I don't care anymore, I don't care what happened to you, I don't care about Shinigami and I'm tired of trying to find just little spec of decency in you". She stood to her feet and fled towards the exit, I hindered her.

"I know all this because I taste it in your blood! I have taken you into me and now know you better than you know yourself. You want to see what you saw that day in the forest? You want to see that vulnerable man who needed you! He's standing right here in front of you….look in my eyes" I held her by the shoulders, she let out a small gasp, "look at them…they call to you, there's something about you…I'm drawn, completely drawn. When you didn't come here all day, I was restless…you give me peace, I'm calmer in your presence and you wash away some of the innocent blood in which my hands are drenched! Keep your blood…I'll tell you anything you want to know".

She stared at me long and hard with so much disbelief…it was as though I had spoken another language, she just couldn't understand _what_ I was saying or _why_ I was saying it. But I couldn't find even an ounce of regret in me, I had to say it. Eventually she pulled away "You can't say that, it's not fair" she said tearfully.

She tried to run again, I grabbed her again "You can't run from this Sango!" I yelled, "you can't run from what you feel…you have unknowingly shared everything with me, with every tiny drop of blood I have consumed from you I have learnt more about what lingers in your heart. I know you don't _love_ me, but you _want_ me and that's fine, I'll take whatever you're willing to give me…just don't run!"

She let out a scream and beat the sides of her fist against me "Stop it! Stop it!" she cried "You can't say things like that to me! Stop lying and toying with me…this isn't a game…I regret ever helping you, I should have left you there to rot, you were a killer in your last life and killer in this one. There isn't enough water in the world to clean the blood from your hands! Stop pretending…stop looking at me as though I truly matter".

"You think I wanted this?" I retorted, I had never shown anyone this side of me, _ever_, "I want nothing more than to stop whatever it is that I feel when I'm with you! No one has ever risked what you have for me…anyone else would have left me there to suffer…you gave yourself to me willingly. You can't lie to me, you can't hide…you're in too deep".

She started to breath heavily, like she was having a panic attack, "I'm such a horrible person" she muttered to herself then looked to me "I am…I'm a horrible wife, a horrible mother" tears began to fall.

I scoffed and shook my head "you wanna know about a horrible mother? My mother was nothing more than a ghost…she refused to hold me, to feed me, to keep me warm in winter. I'd cry for hours because I was hungry, cold and alone…she ignored me. There was only one thing that seemed to spark even the slightest bit of life into that shell of a woman, and that was the touch of strange men. As the years went by….and her looks began to fade, she took to drinking to fill the void those hordes of men left behind, she would be cruel to me…call me weak and puny because I was so scrawny from lack of food. The entire village ridiculed me…I began to hate everything and everyone, I worked to be the strongest, most fierce man…killing took some of the pain away. She made me this way, killing was all that gave me peace…till I met you. You've confused me…you're the first woman to care for me in any way, to show me any form of tenderness".

She again stared up at me "I'm sorry" she whispered, to my utter shock she reached up and cupped my cheek, the warmth of her hand was sensational and I couldn't resist laying my hand upon it and savouring that touch. "I have said some horrible things to you recently…but I meant what I said, I still refuse to believe that there isn't good in you, that poor lost little boy is still in there…but I cannot be the one to find him, you'll have to find someone else for that" with those last words she again tried to grab and once again.

"You can't leave me…not tonight" I whispered, there was once only one thing I held dear, Banryu…the tool that I used to kill and find harmony. Now I held something warmer than cold steel in my hands and it made me feel calmer than the feel of Banryu and I couldn't let her go.

"I shouldn't have left Miroku's side, it was wrong of me, I have been such a fool. I should have listened to your warning, I have delved too deep into the darkness and I have to turn back now before I truly do become lost in you" she told me sadly. "I see so much potential in you Bankotsu, he you have the makings of a hero…but the lack of kindness others have shown has made you a villain. I am no better, I have never been more ashamed of myself" she paused and forced herself to look at me, "It's strange, I have this undeniable need, desire, to take all the pain from your life…if I could I certainly would. I want to shine bright for you to illuminate the black abyss in which you dwell, but I can't my light is strong enough. Right now, this very moment, it takes every bit of restraint I have not hold you, to comfort you, I know how much it hurts to lose someone you loved, but I knew nothing of the pain that came with never being loved at all. I'll stay with you tonight…tomorrow when I leave…I'm never coming back".

I leant forward, my lips so close to hers and she remained perfectly still, but as my lips were about to touch hers she moved her face away, pulled the hair from her shoulder, slipped down some fabric and offered her bare neck to me, I traced my lips there, caressing my hands down her arms. _Tomorrow when I leave…I'm never coming back_, her words echoed in my mind and it made me clasp to her more tightly. "It was dark, so cold in the underworld, there a gentle touch meant nothing, blades cut me, boiling water scolded me and I felt every bit of agonising pain without the release of death…I was already dead. That's when_ he_ came to me…Shinigami, he was figure cast in smoke with eyes blazing red. His hand was bone, no flesh covered it, and they outstretched to me…his voice so deep. He asked if I wanted to be free of this pain, if I wanted a chance at living again, that I would be able to live most of my life as an ordinary man. When I asked why he chose me, he said it was because of my former life as a mercenary I would make the perfect assassin. Shinigami gave me another day of torture to think it through, the next time he came…I accepted, I wanted the chance to repent for everything I've ever done…but it was impossible until I met you. You'll save me Sango…I know it".

A tear escaped her eyes and for the first time she held me, we fell to the ground where she cradled me, stroking my hair and whispering sweet things "I want to save you…I don't know how" she whimpered, I felt her hand under my chin, she lifted my face and swept her fingers through my hair, leaning her forehead against mine. "All I can give you right now is the red contents of my veins, that and nothing more…it's all that I have to give" she uttered.

I caressed the spot in which I would sink my teeth in, so soft and tender…I swept her up and carried her to my sleeping corner and laid her down there upon her back. Where before she would not look me in the eyes, she directly stared me in the face, her hand cupped my cheek. I was in love with her, I was in love with the slayer. I pierced her white flesh and filled her with the immense pleasure of deep kiss upon the neck. Some the blood trickled down, I scooped it up with my tongue. Sango pushed my head down "more" she breathed.

I hovered over her lips before I went lower and lifted one of her legs there I sank into her thigh. Her toes curled and she clutched at the blanket. I had taken in a lot more than usual so I had to stop, she didn't move of flinch away as I rested on top of her, my head resting sleepily upon chest. She rested her hands on head and continued to stroke my hair. I imagined spending the rest of our lives sleeping like this, being in her arms…I was finally able to sleep. Sango was a different person in our cave, she was mine while she was here, tonight she was not holding her husband, she was holding me.

_Sango…you are not lost in my darkness, I am cast in your blinding light._

I was so at peace, so deep in her warmth that I did not notice another presence "get your hands off her!" a voice growled. Sango and I shot up, she yelped loudly at our intruder and quickly jumped to her feet.

"Inuyasha!" she gasped, "It's not what it looks like I swear!"

The half demon scowled "then explain to me exactly what the hell this is!"


	4. Betrayal

**Chapter 4**

**Betrayal**

Sango's POV

"Outside…now" Inuyasha ordered pointing towards the exit, I nodded and went to do so but Bankotsu pulled me back.

"This has nothing to do with you Inuyasha, this is between Sango and me" he rumbled at my half demon friend who gave a low growl and reached for his sword.

"Inuyasha no! Don't hurt him" I pleaded, I must have moved to quickly…my word began to spin and my head grew so light, the ground was getting closer.

I was Bankotsu who caught me, calling my name so quietly as he did so, I could see him through my dizzy haze, till Inuyasha, a figure in red snatched me away "really drained her this time didn't you leech! I awoke to the smell of blood and when I realised whose, I followed, I can tell just by the smell of the air…just how much of her you have taken in. Don't you dare come near her again…ever, or I'll kill you and this time there'll be no coming back".

A corner of Bankotsu's lips perked upwards, he shook his head "No one can kill me dog breath, well, not for long anyway. My life rests in the hands of Shinigami, he will continue resurrect me till he decides that I am done living". He paused and looked down upon me, his eyes seemed to shake, "You don't need to worry about me and her anymore, she got what she needed" he turned his back to us "I will be gone by morning, you best get her home".

Why did my heart feel as though it was being crushed? Why did I feel a sudden panic when he mentioned he was leaving, I mean wasn't that what I wanted? Inuyasha carried me outside; I'm surprised he didn't insist upon a fight. He set me down by the lake outside and forced me to drink the water. When I felt more stable I allowed myself to sit up with Inuyasha's help. Wordlessly he threw me a cloth with an unspoken order to clean the blood from my neck and thighs.

Eventually he did find it in himself to speak to me, though the anger that raged in him was laced in his low voice. "We travelled together for a long time Sango, I never…._never_, would have suspected this of you. These past four years, I've seen what you are like as a mother and wife…its shocking to say the least, I thought you were so much better than this" the anger was almost gone and was replaced with sheer disappointment that agonised me. "How did this all start? I want you to tell me everything, I want the truth Sango".

I sighed…

* * *

My heart was racing, my shame cutting at me as Inuyasha stared at me with those judgmental eyes, I had just explained my intentions and how I came to find Bankotsu.

Inuyasha scoffed at me "I never knew you were so stupid! How could you do this Sango, you're a wife and mother…why would you bring someone so dangerous into the place we live. Kagome and I have a kid on the way too, did you think of that? Did you think of us at all?"

I hung my head in shame, "I have all the information I require, I won't be coming back and Bankotsu will be gone soon".

Inuyasha again scoffed at me, completely disgusted; there was one question I had on my mind that I had to voice "are you going to tell Miroku?"

He sighed heavily fighting with his own morality; he kept my guessing for a moment ad was slowly working me into a panic, until finally he answered "No".

I let out such a sigh of relief, it did bring on another question, "but you think _I_ should?"

"No" he repeated, I was so confused till he continued to explain "That will kill him, it'll destroy your entire family, and your kids don't deserve that. He loves you Sango, so much…and I will let you have this one, because now you and Miroku are even".

I narrowed my eyes at him "what do you mean even?" I demanded.

"It was while you were carrying the twins, about a month before their birth" he explained, "we were exorcising a demon in a nearby village, and we were drinking to the health of his soon-to-be born child, when the monk got too carried away. There was a woman who looked almost exactly like you; he got so drunk that he actually believed she really _was _you, he honestly believed that you had followed him out there, to see him…all he did was declare his undying love for you, he kept pointing to her and telling the entire tavern that his beautiful wife Sango had come to see him. The woman liked Miroku, she played along….I found them the next morning when I went to collect him, they were asleep, side by side" he paused and noticed the tears that were now spilling from my eyes, the things he was telling me…they were stabbing into me!

"You didn't tell me! You've both kept this a secret for years!" I screeched, there was a familiar look of alarm, the same expression I saw in our days travelling together.

The look quickly faded and was replaced by his usual scowl, "He was a wreck when he realised what happened…I still don't think he's forgiven himself, he probably never will. He asked me the same thing you did, will I tell you? Should he be the one to do so? But I told him, what I'm about to tell you…you have to return to him, you have to love him and spend every day making up for what you have done, you must treat him as he deserves, because he is a good man…and he loves you, he loves his family. Do you understand me Sango?"

I was so bewildered…this wasn't the same thing! "How are we even Inuyasha!" I yelled "I never was physically intimate with Bankotsu, my lips has never touched his…all he did was drink my blood, how is this the same thing?"

Inuyasha growled at me confrontationally, "You're right, it's not the same thing" he retorted "For him it was one night, one fatal mistake…you've been doing this with Bankotsu for a while now. Worst of all…you have fallen for him, Miroku felt nothing for that woman".

This made me flinch, _how dare he_. "I have not fallen for Bankotsu!" I insisted defensively, "all I feel for him is pity, that is all and nothing more, Miroku has always been this way, he's a lecher, a flirt and for years I've been lied to" I fell to the ground again, crying and burying my face in my hands. "You should not have told me this! How can I let him touch me now knowing what I know, how can I sleep beside him at night…how can I ever look at him again?"

Inuyasha clearly regretted everything he said and could not even look at me, "Sango, has he not doted upon you since that day? Has he not been more affectionate, has even looked at another woman since?"

I was just so enraged, I wanted to tear heads, I wanted to break bones…all my guilt had fled, "that is true" I answered, "but it was all a lie" we both went quiet, I rose to my feet "leave Inuyasha, I have unfinished business here, you can tell Miroku whatever you want, I don't care anymore" I turned back towards the cave.

Inuyasha grabbed my arm, "Sango" he spoke pleadingly, "Don't be stupid, go home".

I wrenched away from him "stay out of this, it's my life and I will do what I please with it, go home to Kagome".

I walked back into the cave, I'm certain he left, if he didn't…I didn't care.

* * *

There Bankotsu sat, he seemed shocked that I had returned "forget something slayer?" he spoke dryly; I came and took my place beside him again.

"I said I would stay this night with you, I promised you that" I leaned in close, I swear he held his breath, my lips lightly brushed his, slightly pushing against them…it was hardly a kiss, but it was the closest thing I'd allow to one. I lay beside him and there we slept arm in arm throughout the cold night. When the sound of birds was heard and the sky was turning a pale dark blue, I made my way home. Bankotsu was still asleep when I left, he appeared so serene and for some reason I could not bear to say goodbye, I left him a kiss upon the forehead and vanished, determined that I would never see him again.

888

"Sango?" Miroku crooned, we were outside again upon a picnic blanket, our children played, oblivious to their mother's anguish. "Sango" he repeated more loudly till he finally got my attention, all I did was look at him. "Why is my lovely wife's face tarnished by sadness? Why do you frown so much?" he laid his hand on mine, I removed it and he noticed this.

Because I don't think I can ever trust you again...actually I don't think that we can ever trust each other. I could not voice this however instead I responded with closest thing to it. "I'm just uncertain of what our future holds, it's made me quite anxious actually".

He smiled a little, "well give me your palm, and let me tell you what I see".

Reluctantly I gave him my palm; I watched his face fall from a gentle smile, to an extremely sad frown, he released my hand and looked away, "Sango…do you love me?" he asked, I was taken aback by the question, but still…everything I had recently learned was not enough to make me fall out of love with this man, we had been through far too much for that.

"Yes" I answered almost instantly.

A smile crept back on to his face, "It makes me happy knowing you did not need to hesitate to answer that" he said, but the sadness returned to him "but your palm…it shows a cross roads that connects to your love line, basically another man will come, you will have a choice between the two of us".

I couldn't believe it, I couldn't let him see my face so I turned away blushing, "really…is that so" I murmured quietly as I retook my hand. I felt his stare upon me harder than a touch.

"I'm sorry Sango, but I feel that I must ask" he began, my stomach tightened, "If this should actually occur, will you choose me?"

My breath hitched and my cheeks burned more fiercely, with a sigh I answered "Miroku…you are the father of my children, of course I will choose you".

He was understandably unsatisfied with my answer, "So if it were not for the children, you would consider this other man" he stated outright.

What was I to say, I felt so cruel and yet I got a strange gladness because I was hurting him almost as much as he had hurt me, there was only one answer I could give "Possibly".

I felt him tense next to me, he stood up wordlessly and walked away, I outstretched my hand but in the end I let him leave. When hours passed and there was still no sign of my husband, I began to panic, _where is he? Is he safe? If anything has happened to him I'll never forgive mys__elf_! I woke up the kids, Yuki and Yuka were so tired "Where is daddy?" they asked me as I dressed them up warmly.

"I'm not too sure" I answered "but he may be at Kagome and Inuyasha's home, shall we go see?"

I hurried over there to find that Miroku wasn't there and I had just disturbed the couple's sleep, Kagome insisted she keep the kids here while I went out and look for him, over her shoulder I saw Inuyasha staring at me with a disappointed expression. "Inuyasha, go with Sango" she ordered in alarm, he agreed but I interjected.

"No, I should go alone" I insisted, "thank you both so much, I'll be back in the morning for the children, I'll have Miroku with me too".

_With that I headed out, where can he be_? Another thought daunted upon me, _did he come across__ Bankotsu? Did they fight_? I hurried along faster through the village, I passed by a tavern where I was greeted by a cheer of drunkards. I rolled my eyes and kept going, until I heard a familiar line I hoped never to hear again "_will you do me the honour o__f bearing my child_?"

_No_…cautiously I turned, praying I would not witness what I was about to, unfortunately I did…there was my husband with another woman in his arms. She was giggling, "why my good monk" she squealed "I will bear you twenty children if we can get started tonight".

This was when I wanted to see him pull away, instead he chuckled and was joined by another woman, he had his arms around both of their shoulders. Tears began to fill my eyes and I came to the conclusion that I had no need to feel guilty. Years ago when we were travelling together he would flirt with other women without caring how much it hurt me, he took another to his bed while I carried his children inside me, now after a brief argument he was up to his old trick and I honestly couldn't tell how far he was planning on taking this. I didn't know whether it wise to confront him or not, I wanted to cause a scene, but for a moment my feet would not move and I was glued to the scene.

Eventually I was able to find movement and I fled from the situation like a child, but I simply could not confront it right now. By some instinct I found myself moving towards the direction of the cave, I was halfway through the forest, tears blurring my vision when I ran into something I suspected was a tree. However when I felt warmth encircling me, I realised this tree had arms, I looked up to see that it was a face I secretly longed to see at this moment. His bluer than blue eyes were staring down at me with pure concern and after a moment of gazing back up at him I buried my face in Bankotsu's chest and let myself cry while he stroked my hair.

"I lied" I whispered, clinging to him, "I lied when I said I did not want you…it scares me so much, because now I'm also beginning to need you in a way I've never needed anyone else, especially right now at this very moment, I need you more than anything or anyone".

He took me by the shoulders and searched my face, "don't say these things unless you're certain of them" he told me, "if you want me, if you need me…take me".

He had a way of arousing in me a lost flame and igniting to a full capacity and filled every inch and corner of my body. I snatched his face and crushed my lips upon his; he eased it and expertly manipulated my lips into a more romantic yet passionate rhythm. "Take me to our cave; don't let me leave till the sun comes up".

He happily obliged and there in the darkness I let my good light completely dwindle away and accept that I was truly lost in the blackness, however though I was lost I had no wish to be found. Bankotsu was a perfect hiding place, a sweet escape from the harshness of reality, a place where all the secret desires came to life and took movement. For the first time in my life I knew the touch of another man and it was better than I ever thought it could be. He whispered sweet things in my ears, "you're so beautiful Sango, so beautiful".

For long moments after we laid there saying nothing, my head was resting upon his chest, and my fingers traced the well-defined muscles of his chest, while his caressed the line of the side of my torso. His lips buried in my hair and he breathed in my scent.

"How did you get the scar" he murmured, I felt him touch the place on my back that marked my brother's betrayal while he was under Naraku's control, four years and it was the one place on my body that my husband avoided.

I snuggled in closer to him, "it was a long time ago, Kohaku was under Naraku's control, he was forced to kill my father and comrades, I escaped with this scar…I had to dug myself out of my own grave",

He held me closer as though he saw the scene playing out before him and he wanted to snatch me away from it all. "You've changed everything" he continued "you've made everything even more complicated than it was to begin with".

"Do you regret meeting me then?" I asked sleepily enjoying his musky scent.

"Only not meeting you sooner" he responded smoothly and I panged at the sincerity laced into his tone.

I sat up and covered my modesty as I hunted for my clothes, I couldn't help but imagine how different things would have been had I met him in my younger days, before I'd met Miroku and the others. I shook myself from these thoughts and was glad that I hadn't met him sooner; otherwise I would not have mothered my three beautiful children.

He watched me carefully as I dressed myself, "I thought you were leaving at first light yesterday? What happened to make you stay?" I asked with my back to him.

I heard Bankotsu move closer to me and his hands covering my shoulders, the warmth radiating from his skin made me shiver all over again. His kips were close to my ear as he gave me an answer. "I came to gaze upon you one last time, when I heard what you said to the monk…that if not for the children, you would possibly consider me. Well, I could draw only one conclusion…that you have _some_ affection for me".

I sighed and closed my eyes "I see" I began "I appear to have given you false hope" I now faced him, he was frowning, I continued "you see…I have admitted to wanting you and needing you, but I do not love you…I still love my husband with all my heart and I know that once I step a single toe out of this cave that I will be crippled by the guilt of what I have just done with you. Miroku and I have been through so much together and I truly meant it when I said that I wanted to share my life with him. Please understand that I do not necessarily regret what I have shared with you, but I do feel guilt because though it felt right I know it was wrong".

The birds twittered outside, "suns come up…time you got going" he said coldly, I could not blame him for being angry, I had just been very cruel to him, I had practically used him. I gave him one last kiss upon the cheek and there I left him.

* * *

I didn't care if Inuyasha would be able to smell Bankotsu over me, I felt so conflicted for though I felt so ashamed for betraying Miroku and hurting Bankotsu…another, more darker part of me felt as though they had both gotten what they deserved.

"Sango! Sango!" hollered the voice of the man I had searched for almost all night, he rushed to me and to my surprise threw his arms around me. "You're safe, I went home last night and neither you nor the kids were there! When I went searched for you at Inuyasha's home they told me you left the children with them to search for me, Sango…I thought you left me! I've been looking for you all night where have you been?" he demanded.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "I'm sorry, but when I did find you, you seemed quite preoccupied, I didn't think you'd be able to handle _three_ women all at once, then again I could be wrong, I only saw two…tell me how many were there exactly?" I asked him this so casually and watched the colour drain from his face.

He fell helplessly to his knees and encircled his arms about my waist, "forgive me…I'm sorry you saw that…I promise you that nothing happened, I saw what I was doing was wrong and the moment I did I came running back to you! Sango…I love you, I love our life together….please don't leave me, I won't survive".

He stared up at me, tears in his eyes…he was telling the truth, he meant every word he said, I too collapsed to my knees and held him. I did love him, he was mine…I cupped his face in my hands "I know about you and the girl at the tavern four years ago, no don't speak…it doesn't matter how I know. But I do know and it's knowledge I can never unlearn…all we can do is start anew…will you do that with me Miroku?"

He was speechless for a while, suddenly he surprised me with a passionate kiss and embrace, "I'll be the man you deserve" he promised "I will never risk losing you again".

_Good_ I thought_, losing you would destroy me_. I picked us both up from the ground, "let's get our children" I said and we walked away hand in hand.

Still, I felt another's eyes upon me…it was his and something stirred in me…a warning almost, this wasn't over yet.


	5. Mine

**Chapter 5**

**Mine**

Bankotsu's POV

"No! Please I beg you! I have a family…give me more time!" the fool pleaded as he lay at my feet, my blade pointing to him.

"You have lived on enough borrowed time, it's time to clear your debt" I responded coldly, nothing moved me, I had seen enough people begging to for their lives and though I may no longer get the former enjoyment , I still remained indifferent.

"Please" he continued to beg, crying like a frightened child, "surly you too have someone to live for?"

His words grated on me and I was suddenly blinded by rage when her face momentarily appeared in my mind. "No!" I yelled as I threw down my blade and ended his life, "I have no one to live for!"

I left his corpse there to be collected by another servant of Shinigami. Four months had passed since the last time I saw her, she was starting anew with the monk. It would have been so easy for me to kill him and take everything he had that I wanted. However something that appeared on the look on her face made me stop, she loved her husband completely, despite everything they had put each other through, they were completely devoted to each other.

I had now completed a total of fifteen assignments over the past few months, _when it rains it frickin pours_! I had found myself in a town, more of a city really, it was big and lively…lucky for me the guy I had killed had some coins on him, it would by me a room at an inn and maybe even a woman to rest with for the night….

* * *

"Will you not eat with me master?" spoke the girl trying to feed me some of her food as we sat in my room, I smirked at her.

"Eat _with_ you?" I spoke lowly my eyes pierced her, I heard a small gasp free itself from her mouth, "how about I just eat _you_" with those last words still passing my lips I had her pinned, her bowl of rice spilled everywhere. She cried out with immense pleasure…her blood was disgusting, however recently all blood seemed to lose its former taste after having experienced Sango's sweet nectar. Nothing and no one in the world compared to her, she outshone the sun, and even grey wilting flowers bloomed beautifully under her light. Her eyes shamed gold, they appeared far richer and made whoever or whatever feel priceless when she set those glittering orbs upon them. Then there was her hair….more glorious and touchable then the finest of silks and all the fields of flowers in the world combined couldn't possibly liken to the glorious scent that fabricated into those dark tresses. The skin of the girl I suckled from, it was as rough as bark on a tree in comparison to Sango's delicate pale skin. Everything about this woman was irritating me, even the gentle moans and groans she gave from my bite sounded like high pitched shrills, she dug her finger tips into my back roughly, Sango was so much gentler, yet still passionate. Eventually this all became to irritating and I threw the girl aside; she stared up at me shaking with fear.

"Are you going to kill me?" she uttered quietly, I thought about it…that would be so much easier, but I couldn't go around killing every person I drank from, plus I thought of Sango's face, that horrid look of disappointment.

"Not if you leave now and tell no one" I answered, quickly I scrambled to her feet hearing my final warning before she left "if you do speak of this, I _will _hunt you down and _then_ I will kill you".

_Four months…feels more like four years, I wonder how she is…how well she is doing? What if she isn't okay? What if she needs me again? Surly it wouldn't hurt to check in, so long as she doesn't know I'm there…_

* * *

The village of Edo, why did I expect it to change so dramatically? Nothing had changed at all, it's like I've lived hundreds of years in the space of a few months, I had pictured a baron wasteland and sandy huts, but the place remained evergreen.

First place I went to was our cave of course; it remained in the same condition as before…however her scent lingered, it filled every corner, so I knew she had been here only recently, an hour ago at the most_. How often does she still visit this place_? Through the trees I flittered till I came to her home. There outside lounged the heavily pregnant priestess Kagome, she was joined by Sango who brought out tea, she was glowing.

"It's nice of Inuyasha and Miroku to take the kids out, we haven't been able to catch up like this in ages" Sango spoke as she handed Kagome the tea, "how are you feeling by the way? Only a month left till you are due, are you nervous?"

The Priestess smirked uneasily "terrified" she confessed, "but I can't tell Inuyasha that, though he won't show it, he's pretty nervous too".

Sango smiled kindly upon her friend, a warm and comforting smile that assured everything would be alright. "You'll never get over that fear, no matter how many children you have…but it's exciting too isn't it? Kagome you have such a gentle heart, I know that you will make a wonderful mother".

Kagome embraced her tightly with gratitude, when she released Sango a sudden frown appeared, "you know Sango you can't keep this secret forever….you're starting to show" she said laying her hand upon Sango's stomach and sure enough there popped a small bump only noticeable if you really looked for it. "I don't even know why you would keep it secret especially from Miroku he'd be thrilled to know that he has another kid on the way, I'm even more surprised that he hasn't noticed considering that he always has his hands all over you. You've kept it quiet for four months now, it's safe to tell him".

Sango…was with child, for four months…it all added up, deep inside I knew, I knew that the child she carried was mine! She could not tell the monk because she could not bring herself to lie and act as though he was the father.

Sango shrugged, "I will, of course I will…." She seemed to drift away into a sad day dream.

Kagome noticed, "Sango….why do I have a bad feeling all of a sudden? You're not ashamed to tell Miroku are you….unless…." she came to the realisation and snatched Sango's hands in hers "Sango…the child, it is Miroku's…isn't it?"

Sango took back her hands and averted her tearful gaze away, I listened more closely "I…don't know" she whispered, Kagome gasped and I nearly fell from the tree, _the child is mine I know it_!

"Whose else could it possibly be Sango" her friend shrieked, Sango refused to meet her fiery gaze and she shrunk away like a frightened violet.

"I'm sorry" she whispered back, "I can never tell you…but I'm certain that Miroku is the father, there really is only a very small chance that it isn't".

She did not sound too convincing, truth was by the tremor in her voice that Sango knew I was the father but refused to acknowledge that fact however plain it was.

I doubt she had ever seen such a look from her friend's face directed at her, who would suspect that such a good little housewife and devoted mother would carry such a secret. She had shocked Kagome whose eyes were wide and pale like to giant moons protruding from a sallow face. "Sango…" was all the words the priestess could manage, I could tell that she had always looked up to Sango, Kagome probably hoped to be as sweet a mother and as loving a wife as she, it was like the image of her friend had completely shattered with no chance of repair.

They sat in silence for a while, when Sango began to whimper, Kagome noticed and took her hand "You're still a good person" she insisted, "you're still a wonderful mother and wife…it's a mistake I doubt you'll repeat" she paused for a moment, "Sango…did you love this other man?"

Sango tensed up and her cheeks burned, I leaned in closer….eager to hear her answers, with a sigh she shook her head "I almost did…almost fell, but no…I have only ever loved one man and that is Miroku and I swear it has remained that way since".

It was like she had punched me in the stomach! No it was worse, like a kick in the crouch! _Why did I bother coming here, I should have known it was a stupid idea_. With that I flew back to the cave, I'd leave again in the morning without ever letting her know I had come here.

However at the swiftness of my movements, I dare say I caught her eye.

* * *

"I knew I saw you! What are you doing here?" her voice echoed from behind me, I hadn't even reached the cave yet, she had followed me into the forest.

I did not turn and face her as I responded with "a woman in your condition should not be out chasing assassins".

I heard her gasp "How much did you hear?" she demanded.

I faced her now and saw her hand resting protectively over the small bump she was trying to hide, "enough" I answered shortly. After a long period of silence I came to her, her dropped to my knees and held my hands over the swelling, "the child is mine…we both know that" I leaned my forehead there for some very unlikely chance that I would hear the heartbeat. "It's a boy, I can feel it".

With a grunt of disgust she shoved me away "Shut up! Don't say such things we don't know that! Don't you think I'm frightened enough as it is? I'm terrified that when I look into its eyes I'll see yours! I loathe that it may have your wicked smile and tanned skin! Even if it does arrive an exact replica of you I will go to my grave swearing that Miroku is the father!" she was getting so worked up now and letting tears course down her face "do you know how difficult it is to love something you have created with something you hate? But I will….I will love this child just as I much as I love the others I have carried, with all my heart and soul to the fullest extent in all the ways a mother should! But that doesn't mean I have to love you" she took in a breath and calmed herself. "But as I said…there is far more chance of Miroku being the father, I truly believe he is".

I grabbed hold of her wrists "Liar!" I snarled, "you can't take this from me, what you carry is all I have worth caring for, you can't be that cruel…do not deprive me of this….this one good thing!" my voice was breaking with emotion; she stared up at me in shock. I did not loosen my grip, in fact I tightened it. "I won't let you get away with this! I didn't have a father, you know that! I won't be like my parents…you can't make me!"

She screamed in anger "why did you have to come back? I'm trying my best to get on with my life. You're a murder Bankotsu…you love taking life, you are not someone who is meant to be a father!"

I don't care how true that was…I _knew_ the child was mine, it was_ all_ that was mine…I had _nothing_ else! I pulled her in so that I could whisper in her ear "come away with, leave all of this behind".

She tried to pull away "never, everything I love is here!" she refused "please let me go, I will never abandon my family! You'll have to kill me first"

There was no escaping my grasp, "I love you" I divulged, "there I said it! I love you Sango and I want you to be with me, there has to be a small part of you that wants that too, why else would you keep going back to the cave?"

She was speechless for a moment, "I will always care about you Bankotsu, we shared something very special, that is why I return to that place because you are nothing more than a fond memory to me now" she looked up at me tenderly , "but I can easily live my life without you, I do not yearn to see you again, whereas the mere thought of living without Miroku hurts more than anything, if I lost him it would destroy me".

I knew how much they had been through together, more than most couples have, but still… "Why him?" I dared to ask "what makes him so special?"

She thought for a moment "because through all the pain and sorrow I suffered after my friends and family were taken, after my home was destroyed….he performed the greatest miracle, he made me smile…he made me love when all I thought I could feel was hate. He said in return I gave him hope, for a brighter future beyond his curse, he almost gave his life for mine….I know that man would live a life of misery if it meant that I could live happily. Even if I did turn to him and declare that I was leaving with you, he would wish me all the love and happiness in the world even though he was dying inside and he would still refuse to hate me".

It was a good answer, I knew that he loved her selflessly…unlike me, the love I felt was indeed a selfish one. I would leave those children of hers motherless so that she and I could raise a family of her own. "Come away with me" I repeated as though I had not listened to everything she had just said.

"No!" she yelled struggling away

"Come away with me"

"No!"

"Please Sango!"

"No let me go!"

"Never!"

There suddenly came a loud crash and I felt myself being thrown off my feet and Sango taken from my hands. When the dust cleared there stood Inuyasha with Sango behind him "I thought I smelled a rat!" he growled.

"Shut it mutt or I'll muzzle yah!" I retorted, "now stand aside!"

He pointed his old friend Tessaiga at me and snarled, "you were a fool to return…leave my friends alone!" he looked over his shoulder and down at Sango "go home to Miroku, Kagome told him you were out for a walk…he's waiting anxiously for you!"

She nodded eagerly and scurried away, in the distance I heard her husband calling for her and her calling for him, then I heard an embrace.

I glared at Inuyasha for interrupting, a fight broke out, "you realise the monk will hear this?" I told him as our blades clashed "let him, let him know that his wife carries my child!"

His fist connected with my face "No! The child is hers and the father is whoever she says it is! I realise that I cannot kill you but I will fight you to my last breath in order to keep my friends and family safe…leave us all alone".

I felt a familiar pain in my hand, a burning sensation at the centre of my left palm and there I knew what occurred, my next assignment. I checked my hand and saw a name that gave me great pleasure.

"What are you smirking about?" he demanded.

I showed him my palm where burned the name that made his eyes turn wide and breathe the word "no".

"You see now mutt" I started, "I now have no choice but to take his life"

_Miroku_…..

**Final chapter is next; please tell me what you think so far **


	6. The reaper's holy assassin

**Chapter 6**

**The reaper's holy assassin**

Sango's POV

"Sango you're shaking" Miroku spoke as he held me, "what is it?"

I looked into his eyes and I saw so much love…I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him senselessly screaming "_stop you fool! Stop loving me…I'm not worth it_!" but I couldn't because I needed his love in order to go on living. I buried my head in his chest, "take me home, take me to our children I need to hold you all together" I uttered.

"Of course I will" he said snaking his arm around my shoulder and began guiding me home. We walked in silence, it wasn't uncomfortable, we were always able to enjoy each other's company without even uttering a word. However there was so much on my mind, so much that I kept from the one who I always told everything to. "Miroku, I'm with child" I divulged.

He stopped us in our tracks, standing still as stone till suddenly he turned and enveloped me in his arms "Sango! That's amazing, I'm so happy, how long have you known?" he cheered, his eyes glistened with delight as he held his hand against my swelling stomach, probably wondering why he hadn't noticed before.

"I've known for just under four months now" I answered.

"My sweet wife, why didn't you tell me sooner? I don't even care about that…I'm just so glad we've been so blessed with another child!" he again took me in his arms "Oh Sango you really have given me everything! I thank whatever force brought me to you!" his hand lowered to my rear.

I didn't even slap it away, strangely it felt nice to have such normality in this situation of chaos, even in my darkest moments he made me smile and forget everything that was wrong, because just a few moments with him made it feel like everything was right in the world. "I love you" I whispered, his lips buried in my hair.

He cupped my face in his hands "let's go tell the children they have another brother or sister on the way…maybe we'll be so lucky as to have twins again…maybe even triplets!" he cheered as he rushed us to our hut, it warmed my heart to see him so excited, I could never take this away from him.

* * *

"Sango come away from the window, the kids are finally asleep, join your husband by the fire and we'll discuss possible names for our next edition" my husband called from his place by our fire side, I kept watch because I had this dark feeling that Bankotsu would appear at any moment and snatch me away.

I joined him by there and snuggled up closely…he felt good and smelt good, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the momentary peace I felt in his presence, "It's going to be a girl…I can feel it" he murmured. "By my calculations it will be born in the summer, if it is a girl, which I truly believe it is, we should call her something bright…like Yoko…it means sunny child…we'll have our three little girls, Yuki, Yuka and Yoko, one is our fragrance, one is our happiness and the other our sunlight. But if it is a boy, another man about the house to even things up…how about Minoru? There will be me Miroku then my sons Mizu and finally Minoru….everyone will know who created such strapping young boys…all the girls will fall for our sons, but they will be perfect gentlemen of course, because that is how we will raise them" he was become so lost in a fantasy and taking me along with him.

"Those names are wonderful" I sighed, "however if it is a boy…I hope he looks just like you".

Our tender moment was interrupted by Inuyasha, he burst through the door, "Sango! Kagome needs you she's not feeling well and she wants your advice".

I jumped to my feet, Miroku promised to make sure that children remained asleep the entire time I was gone. When we were out the hut I faced him and knew the real reason why he called me out, "why hasn't he left yet and why must I see him again?" I demanded.

He growled lowly, "Because you may be the only one who can convince him not to kill Miroku" he answered shortly.

My heart leapt in my chest, _no…he can't! Not Miroku! Was this his plan? To kill Miroku and kidnap me? _Inuyasha lifted me onto his back and we sped to the glade where Bankotsu waited. What was I to refer to him as? We were indeed more than friends and I could not bear to call him my enemy…perhaps he was my former lover, that didn't mean he was the love of my life that positions will always belong to Miroku.

He stood when he saw me, "How dare you!" I cried hitting my fists weakly against him, "How dare you threaten the life of my husband! Don't you see that it will gain you nothing because alive or dead I am his and will never be yours!"

He took me by the wrists, "I have no choice" he informed me through gritted teeth.

"Yes you do" I yelled back and fell to my knees, "I'll give you anything you want, take my life instead but please spare that man…he doesn't deserve to die".

Bankotsu's eyes softened when he saw my tears, but were soon again consumed by his former pride and rage "why does he deserve everything? From what I've heard he isn't that good a man! A lecher, a con and crook in his day, so why does he deserve love? I have never been loved in return…not by my mother, not by my comrades and now not even you. This life given to me by Shinigami was meant to give me the chance at such a thing, now I have to hand the wife of my heart and my child willingly to him! Sango…I could make you happy, I thought I did…you told me you needed me but also that you hate me! Why hate me when all I wanted was your love!" he was now on his knees and at my level…this man, he never bowed to anyone and he never let anyone see him vulnerable and yet he had willingly given me the power to bring him to his knees.

Seeing this, hearing this…it made me realise something, I took his face in my hands "I do not hate you" I told him tenderly, he finally looked at me, "it would just be easier if I did…Bankotsu, please go on with your life knowing that…that...that I _do_ love you" as I declared this both he and Inuyasha gasped. "I do, I honestly love you…not in the same way I love my husband because I shall never love another man as I do him, but just because I do not love you in the way you want doesn't mean I don't love you with all I have in the only other way I can, and I do…fiercely so." I embraced him there "I would never lie about this and I still believe with all my heart that there is more to you than hate and darkness…a light dwindles in you too Bankotsu, that is why I saved you and that is why I love you and the is how I know that you will not kill Miroku…because you are better than that! Your mother was a fool to not see it and I am glad to be the one who did. I will give you anything, if you please just let me stay with Miroku, if you please spare his life".

He was shaking…he was crying, his arms encircled me and he clasped at me as though he was terrified to let go. Inuyasha watched with a mixture of awe, tenderness and horror. Bankotsu leaned his forehead upon mine, "spend one more night with me…just allowing me to taste your blood and simply hold you one last time…and I wish to choose the name for the child. You say there is more chance that he is the monk's and I partially hope for his sake that is true, for when he comes of age he will have no choice but to serve Shinigami and the truth will finally be out".

"That frightens me too" I confessed, I sighed "very well…one more night and you will choose the name…one if it's a boy and one if it's a girl".

Bankotsu shook his head "he's a boy….I know it" he insisted.

I faced Inuyasha who was so desperate to protest, "Please Sango" he spoke pleadingly, I waited for him to tell me how stupid and reckless I am, instead he surprised me "just be careful…I don't like that you'll be alone with him, but I know you can look after yourself".

I smiled warmly at him, he then shot Bankotsu a warning look and also displayed a hint of relief, there was clearly something going on that I didn't know about, however my gut instinct told me I 'd rather not know, so I decided to remain ignorant. "Thank you Inuyasha….I'm sorry to ask this of you…but please tell Miroku that I am staying the night with Kagome and will be back by early morning…oh and Inuyasha, tell him….tell him to cover up with another blanket, it'll be cold tonight".

My friend nodded and proceeded to my hut.

We walked back to our cave in silence, when I'd arrived he had already again lit candles. It was a strange tenderness that filled me when seeing this, a kind of nostalgia…it brought me back to that time when he and I were locked in a tight embrace. I remembered how good it felt to be so close to him, how warm his skin was, how tender his touch and how masculine he smelt. I truly feared to enter that cave, because I really did feel like I was entering another world and I was no longer the same person.

He laid me down and brought his lips to my ear; "I want you to say it again" he told me "I want to hear you say you love me".

I gave a little gasp, as his lips tickled at the side of my neck, preparing to bite down. I did not life when I said that I loved him, in my own way at least. I loved the moments we shared, I loved the fire he ignited in me….but without him, my world would still go on turning whereas if I allowed him to take Miroku's life, everything would come crashing down. It was a strange kind of love…I guess it had more to do with lust; it is difficult to see the difference between love and lust, there is as fine a line between the two as there is in love and hate. Lust in some ways is the fuel that keeps loves flames alight, without it love is doomed to dwindle and die out leaving nothing but ash and cold embers in its wake. I would indeed be hurt if something bad happened to this man because from the moment I saw him on that road I had this need to protect him and it wounds me to know that I have only been hurting him more, from the very beginning I have wanted to save him.

"I love you" I whispered sincerely…then his fangs sunk into me and I was filled with a rapture I had almost forgotten.

I stopped for a moment, breathing heavily as though he had ran a thousand miles, "Gah!" he grunted relishing in the blood he had tasted "I have missed this nectar! No one will ever taste as good as you".

I placed my hand around the back of his head "then take in a little more" I offered, he was happy to…I clung to him tightly as my toes curled. When he was done we both laid there together in the surprising warmth of the cave.

It was actually quite relaxing to rest in his arms, I felt myself slowly falling to sleep "it terrifies me" I confessed "if the child is yours then when he come of age I will lose him to Shinigami! I cannot protect him…there is no way I could ever see my child be forced to live such a life! What am I going to do?"

He lifted my face by the chin and gazed intensely, a sudden smile lightly touched his face "I like that you refer to the child as a _he_….see you know it's a boy" when he saw the bemused expression on my face he continued "there is only one thing you can do….teach him the way of honour, teach to feel compassion and to pray for those whose lives are lost or taken. He must respect life and he must know that he is loved not matter what" he paused for a moment, "the monk will be a good father, right?"

I nodded eagerly, "he'll be a wonderful father, and he already is" I responded, "If the child is yours and Miroku learns of this, he would treat that child no differently from the children he _did_ father, he will be so good to that little boy and there is no better teacher than him".

He let out a sigh of relief; it touched me to know that his true concern was the wellbeing of my child. I had never felt so much shame, how could I not know who the father of my child was? It was ridiculous and disgusting; I was truly ashamed of myself. Despite the confusion with the father, _I am_ the mother and I would love every inch of this baby, I would turn him into a man of honour and strong enough to handle the life that might await him.

"Chikotsu" he uttered, I looked up at him quizzically, "that is the name I've chosen for the child".

_Chikostu….meaning bloody skill…this name may unfortunately be appropriate_….

* * *

Bankotsu's POV

_Chikotsu…son of Bankotsu….I love the sound of __that_, I watched over Sango as she slept in my arms, this was perfect, this was how it was meant to be. This was how I meant to spend my nights; this is the way I should wake up in the morning, holding her. Chikotsu was mine….I looked at the palm where the monk's name still tattooed my skin. Sango…Chikotsu, they both belonged to me and I would not allow them to be his! I would have to break my promise…I had to live because now I do have someone to live for, two people in fact and with any luck she would bless me with more children in the future. I stroked her soft hair, I'm not giving up Sango….this is the first and only promise I will break. I kissed her forehead and she unintentionally snuggled in closer….

_Miroku…your life is mine_

* * *

"Goodbye Bankotsu" she uttered, I dare say she even sounded sad, "I hope you find happiness".

_Don't worry my sweet Sango…I will_ I thought to myself as I watched her walk away, she was going back to her husband not knowing what I was plotting. Before she left I attempted to steal one last kiss and was unsuccessful but I consoled myself knowing that after this day I could kiss her as often as I pleased.

I waited in the darkness of the cave for an hour, till the sun began to set and paint the even sky bloody, a perfect setting for the kill. I conjured my shadow blade and began to make my way.

I came upon a hill waiting for them to take their timely jaunt out of the hut to watch the sunset with their children; I may have no choice but to let the little ones see the death of their father. My heart was aching when I saw him tenderly hold her and gaze into those lovely eyes. He laid his hands upon her stomach and whispered something in her ear that made her giggle. When her three children came out they all began frolicking together….she had never looked so happy, so content.

_Why can I not move? I want to kill him…I really want to! Yet still I cannot bring myself to move and do so_! My longing to cut his throat intensified when he kissed her, more so when I saw how even happier this made her.

_What are you doing_? My inner monologue growled at me_, kill the bastard and take your woman_! But still I could not do it, my hands were trembling as they wrapped about my sword.

Her voice echoed words she had previously uttered, "_If anything was to happen to him it would kill me_" and "_please just let me stay with Miroku_".

Another voice came into my head, my own, "_I would never harm anyone I care about_" Yes…I had actually said that and yet I was about to completely destroy her…

It had happened; it had finally happened….I had learned to love someone, to truly love some…so much that I would place them before myself. Finally I had loved selflessly, in that moment I it was as though all my sins had vanished, she was had completely cleansed my soul by allowing me to feel what I felt for her, for this I owed her my life. I dropped the sword into the dirt "no" I whispered "I will not do this".

Everything around me turned cold and a deep ominous presence became known to me, "you know what this means…if you do not complete this assignment" spoke the dark shadowed figure himself, suddenly appearing beside me.

My fist curled up, I clenched them so hard that I almost drew blood, "yes" I choked, "and I am willing to pay the price…I will pay any price to make her happy".

"Very well" Shinigami spoke and opened the portal to the netherworld, "step inside and give back the gift I have given".

I stepped towards the abyss and found that I was not afraid, I have died twice before, each time I was afraid and I was so desperate not to die again…till now, because I was finally dying for a worthy cause, I was dying for love. I looked over my shoulders…_who'__d__ of thought a woman could have been my undoing…Sango it is because of you that I was finally able to repent_. I was ready to enter the underworld knowing that this time I would not suffer as I had done before. She was right…there was a light in me still and there was good, she helped me to find it….she awakened the best parts of me I didn't even know existed.

I gazed upon the lovely vision of Sango one last time, closed my eyes and peacefully went with Shinigami into the underworld….she would never know my fate, perhaps the mutt would tell her one day. Chikotsu…grow strong and look after your mother for me…I know you are mine…

...

_Eighteen years later….._

_My name is Chikotsu, I am the son of a former demon slayer, and the only father I have ever known was a monk. Both taught me the value of life….it is indeed a precious thing that is so fragile…that is why it is such a beautiful thing. My skills with a blade are almost god like and my spiritual powers are whispered like legends of old._

_I was raised in bliss, I come from a large family…my mother is such a kind woman and my father Miroku is a wise man, traits they had bestowed upon me. I have their unconditional love, even when the truth of my birth was revealed, I will do anything for my family…anything._

_Upon my eighteenth birthday I was forced into the service of Shinigami, at night I wander a dark figure and I pray for the souls I take, out of respect for their loved ones I leave two gold coins upon the doorstep so that my poor unfortunate victims may have a proper and decent burial. It is not a life I have chosen but still it is what I have been given and I will make the best of what I have. Through observing my parents I learnt the true meaning of unconditional love for which forgiveness played a huge part. Every time I kill I briefly grieve and then forgive myself so that I am able to go on living, because my mother always tells me "there is a difference between a bad person and a good person who does something bad"._

_The only thing I know of my real father is that his name was Bankotsu, that is all I care to know to be quite honest. However I have this internal instinct, I truly believe that he would want thing of me, to protect those I love, my mother in particular. There is one thing that I have that I know my father did not have the fortune to possess, a large family that love him and keep his mind at ease when moments come that I doubt the nature of my heart._

_I am Chikotsu…the reaper's holy assassin, I pray for those I take, may the gods bless you and may you find peace in the afterlife…_

**Okay that's it, sorry if it wasn't that great but I did enjoy writing it, thank you to all those who reviewed I really appreciate it, please let me know what you think. **


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